millionth

A heart doesn't play by the rules and love has its own agenda. A bewildering time will come on the distance you are willing to travel to show how much a person means to you. You torch all the ridiculous bull shits you once blindly didn't see nor hear and from the ashes a phoenix rises. A new 2.0 version you. But now they are nowhere to found. You're lost in a foreign place. Your mind tells you not to embark on the lonely journey but the heart wants what it wants.

The first hundred thousand steps are overflowing with hope. Soon you will find yourself blistered and bruised in front of a mirror starring at a reflection of a stranger. A stitched up beaten, broken, shattered you. Repeatedly dismembered and carelessly sewn back together. Even with everything that happened you choose to continue despite now being barefoot running on glass into darkness. Running and running forward while occasionally looking over your shoulders and back at the happiness you once had. You delude your mind with the hope that happiness is at the next exit.

Days turns into weeks, weeks turns into months. You start to wonder if you have already passed it and if you should turn around. Realization hits that you're in a limbo. You wonder if you were on a hamster wheel this entire time. The road seems to be endless. On the millionth step, you collide into something. The rock bottom, the bottom of the ocean. You breakdown and collapse on the lowest of lows that you just walked yourself into.

The old lenses you once saw life in would know what to do. But you lost it along the way. Your body starts to shut down and you try to salvage the last organ you have left, your heart. And so you sit there and wait, in hopes the person you ran for will come running to look for you. The only thing that is keeping you alive - the only person who can resuscitate you. You play a scene on repeat where it validates all the trial and tribulations. That everything you're going through right now is for a reason and it is all worth it as it had to happen.

But days, weeks, and months pass. You backtrack and retrace your memory on how long it took you to reach the millionth step. You factor in all possible delays. You count down the duration in seconds of arrival and yet you're still alone.

I'm still waiting. I refuse to give up on you. I miss you.


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