rock bottom

Hi. It’s been a while... Do you remember me? How are you?

I’m lost... I don’t know what is life. I’m down. I’m sad. I’m depressed. Am I bothering you? I’m sorry.

I’m not listening to my brain... It’s telling me to stop writing. My heart telling me to continue. Who should I listen to? What should I follow? I don’t know.

I need help. Writing helps. Then it doesn’t. Writing helps… Then it doesn’t...

Do you think I should stop expressing my feelings? My brain is telling me to stop again... Where’s my emergency off-switch? Do I have an off-switch? Is it automated? Is my heart hiding it? Why can’t I control it?

My heart is taking over. I feel things. It hurts. It really hurts... I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want to do anything. I’m curled up.

Someone’s knocking... Is it my brain? Maybe if I stay quiet long enough it will go away... I want to be left alone. I deserve to be alone. I deserve this. When will the knocking stop? Please stop... I want it to be quiet.

My heartache is muffling out the knocking. Time stopped. The knocking stopped. I’m frozen. I’m all alone.

Am I waiting for something? What am I waiting for? Something is missing... I can’t remember what it is...

I don’t know where you are but can you help me remember? I love you.

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